Gratitude: Absolute vs. Relative

Gratitude: Absolute vs. Relative

Have been reading a lot of text on spirituality etc. over the last few months and a consistent theme that comes up is around gratitude - how gratitude is the bedrock of happiness, how gratitude turns what we have into enough, how gratitude helps keep things in perspective even when things are not going so well... and that has led me to contemplate and explore the notion of absolute vs. relative gratitude. In my opinion, relative gratitude is much easier to cultivate and often takes the form of "I have X, which is so much more than someone else, and for that I'm grateful" OR "My situation is bad but their situation is worse and, for that, I'm grateful" ... relative gratitude by its very nature and definition, brings a comparison element into gratitude which, to me, is cheating yourself of feeling awash in the joy of gratitude. And, additionally, being in relative gratitude mode exposes you to the risk of unfavorable comparison - just as easy for your insides to trick you into a "I have less than X" as it is for you to convince yourself that you should be grateful because you have more than Y!

Absolute gratitude, on the other hand, is much harder to cultivate and it requires being in a constant state of thankfulness for whatever is in your life (good, bad, ugly) as every event, circumstance, person that you come across is presenting you an opportunity to learn, grow, evolve. Absolute gratitude takes the form of "all is well", "I am blessed", "I am whole", "I am fortunate", "I am in abundance" without regard to anyone else's lot or situation. 3 quotes that I read recently that really resonated with me.

1. The only time you need to look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough.

2. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is the person you were yesterday

3. Comparison is the thief of joy

So, which attitude of gratitude are you cultivating? Would welcome comments/thoughts on this post!

The increasing value of a human life ... when sick or dead?

The provocative title is a raw thought ... in light of my wife's grandfather passing a few days ago.  A great, humble man who lived a long and full life to the age of 97 ... a man I've had the privilege of knowing for the last 10 years - a giant among us - full of love, spirit, enthusiasm, generosity... RIP Nanaji.  Thank you for all you've taught us... despite the sadness of his passing, we are focusing on celebrating his life and his legacy.  I am super thankful that I got to see him a few weeks ago and spend some quality time with him.

Back to the question in the title of this post... why do we scramble to be at someone's bedside when they are critically sick?  why do we scramble and rush to someone's funeral?  Feels kinda odd given that most of us don't show the same level of urgency when someone is healthy and well.  Is the rush to be at someone's bedside when they're near-death an acknowledgement of the limited time we have with them?  Feels kinda odd given that our time with each other is inherently limited.  We're not immortal, the clock's always turning so why then do we not make time for the people we love while they're still healthy and alive and we're healthy and alive?  Feels kinda odd that the value someone holds to us seemingly increases in times of death and distress.  Why not bring urgency to express the love we feel, to give of ourselves, to be present, to give our time while we still have the opportunity? So, make that call, make that trip, do what you can while you still have the chance because, unfortunately, later could turn into never.  Ask yourself if you're ok living with the regret of leaving something unsaid, of not having been able to have that last conversation, that last visit only because you chose not to make it a priority.  Ask yourself whether it's better to celebrate in life together or commiserate in death?

If you're reading this post, I urge you to pick up the phone and call someone you love and tell them that.  Or go show up at their doorstep.  Or write them an email... that would be a wonderful tribute to our Nanaji and the way he lived his life.  Thank you.